The Facebook Experiment
by Janet ~ August 4th, 2008. Filed under: Facebook Findings, Networking Nuggets.A few weeks ago, I blogged about the growing number of Facebook users who seem more interested in collecting friends than on building relationships. Up until then, I was ignoring all requests who came from people I don’t know, unless I recognized them as fellow members of one of my professional or networking associations. However, in the back of my mind, I wondered if by doing this, I might be cutting myself off from some potentially good contacts.
During the month of July, I responded to this type of friend request with a message along these lines:
Thank you for sending me a friend request. Like you, I am very interested in building my network. However, I believe that sending a friend request to a total stranger with no explanation as to why it is to either of our benefits to connect is the online equivalent of running around and exchanging business cards with as many people as possible at a large networking event, without stopping to make conversation.
Please let me know how we can help each other, and I’ll be happy to consider your request.
Janet
The majority of my would-be friends didn’t bother to reply. One apologized for the inconvenience. One responded that she didn’t have time to network but thought I might be interested in her business. Only one showed any interest in getting to know me, and we are now in regular contact.
From now on, I’ll take a look at the person’s profile (or as much of it I can access) and if they look like a friend collector, I’ll just ignore them. Otherwise, if I think there’s some potential there, I’ll send a personal message (maybe a little gentler than the one I’ve been using), and see what happens.
If you read my blog, I’ll be happy to connect with you - but please let me know that’s why you’re sending me a friend request. You’re also more than welcome to join the Organized Assistant fan page!
August 4th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Great point Janet!
I like the way you think!
August 4th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Janet, I just talked about this in the teleclass I taught last week on time management for social networkers, and I agree with you on most points. What a waste of time it is to ask someone to befriend you without giving them any indication of why.
When I “friend” an actual friend on FB, someone I talk to in the course of life anyway, I rarely include a message. When I “friend” someone else (which is rare–I’m more reactive than proactive there), I comment on a specific reason why we should be in one another’s line of sight. I get a lot out of reading the status messages of so-called friends who are savvy and whose re-tweeted Twitter/FB status updates contain useful links; I don’t always need to have a more intermingled “relationship” with a FB friend than the opportunity to read what they’re up to on my mini-feed.
But you’re right; it’s a waste of time and effort for someone to friend us as if we were collectible baseball cards. It’s quality, not quantity, that wins out. And the person who “didn’t have time to network” but wanted to sell to you? Obviously, that person has no clue about how and why people do business with one another. Feh.
August 4th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Great post Janet. As I begin to consider Twitter and other social media sites, I will definitely hold what you have said here in mind.
August 5th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Thanks everyone! When I look around and see so many people with 800+ “friends” sometimes I wonder if I’m the one who’s on the wrong track, so I really appreciate your comments.
August 6th, 2008 at 1:24 am
A friend who heard me saying exactly the same thing (even using the same business card collecting analogy!) has sent me this post.
I am going to try your little message out and see what response i get!
Thanks for the idea! Feels good to be taking action doesn’t it?
August 6th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Chris - it sounds like we have a lot in common, even if you are an “outrageous extravert”! I’d love it if you’d report back here with the results of YOUR experiment!
August 9th, 2008 at 2:05 am
I admit that I accept almost everyone who contacts me to be a friend. Truthfully, I see it as more of an opportunity than an intrusion, so I don’t mind one way or the other. And if someone really starts pestering me, I can always drop them; I haven’t had to do that so far, though.
There’s this thing about the concept of networking, at least in person, where I’ve found that people will view someone with a business that’s antithetical to their interests as someone who’s not worthy of their time. I talk to everyone and treat everyone the same; you just never know where a good connection will come from.
August 9th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Mitch - thanks for sharing the “other” point of view!
I agree that you just never know where a good connection will come from, but I also think there’s more to making a connection than just adding a name to your friend list (or database).
August 11th, 2008 at 2:39 am
Janet! Love the tip on Facebook and like you I hate it when I get random requests! I actually went through my Facebook friends several weeks ago and deleted a slew of people who I didn’t know and it was beyond refreshing! Now, I too, will send back a little message asking how they know me and 99% of the time…nothing. I would much rather have a few quality friends, colleagues, or contacts than a ton of random “friend whores”. (LOVE THE NEW WEBSITE!)
August 12th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Suzanne - I’m glad I made the cut! (and thanks)